How to talk with your parents about their estate plan

1. Start with why it matters to you

Lead with your own feelings, not their age or health. People respond better to “I'd like to know what you want” than to “you need to get this done.”

“If something happened, I'd want to do things the way you'd want. Could we talk about what that is?”

2. Pick a calm time

Choose a quiet, unhurried moment, not a holiday dinner or a hospital visit. A natural opening can help: a friend updating their will, a news story, or your own planning.

“I've just been doing my own will, and it made me realize I don't know where your papers are.”

3. Ask, then listen

Ask open questions and let them talk. You don't need answers to everything in one conversation. Agree on one small next step.

• Do you have a will? Where is it kept?
• Who would you want to make decisions for you if you couldn't?
• Is there an attorney or advisor you already trust?
• Is there anything you're worried about?

4. Offer help, not control

Offer to sit with them while they gather papers, make a list, or find an attorney. Let them make the decisions and talk to the attorney themselves. If you have brothers or sisters, keep them informed so no one feels left out.

5. If they're not ready

Let it rest and try again later. Leave the door open:

“Whenever you'd like to talk about it, I'm here.”

If you're worried they can no longer manage their own affairs, speak with an attorney about your options.